Red Flags for Telling, part 3

Filtering words distance the reader from the character's experience.

This 3rd red flag for telling is oft-times done unconsciously.

Filtering words include: start/started, begin/began, see/saw, feel/felt, hear/heard, speak/spoke, say/said, notice/noticed, seem/seemed, believe/believed, decide/decided, think/thought

As you've seen in the previous 2 posts, once you've researched how many times you used each word via the word count functionality, it's time consuming to search out each one and decide whether to keep it as is, change it, or delete it altogether.

But it's so important to do.

When I first checked the word count for 'decided,' for example, I realized that I had used it over 20 times throughout the book. Again, 20 times in a book of over 60,000 words doesn't seem like a lot but it can become glaring if it's used frequently in a short span of time. In one chapter, I found that I had used it 4 times all in the same scene!

I'm not even conscious of doing it. But it's important when writing not worry about the words being used every given moment. That can stop your flow of writing and slow you down. That's why we edit...to change words, paragraphs, even entire chapters, so that your story is stronger in the end.

Examples of using filtering words. For each example, how would you change it? I'll do the first two.

filtering word - better way to say it

decided to keep - kept

began to leave - departed or left

spoke quietly -

was seated -

saw him aim the gun -

Saw is another tricky filtering word that is easy to use but should be used sparingly.

Some examples from Treasure & Treachery:

As I mentioned above, I used 'decided' over 20 times. To make a decision, I looked at the entire paragraph that included this sentence. Should I keep it, change 'decided to get' to 'got', change the entire sentence, or leave out the sentence completely? I left 'decided' in the book 6 times, this was one of the 6.

I left this word in because of the entire paragraph and flow. I felt that it worked. Would you have changed it?

I don't remember the word count for 'saw' when I first checked but I know it was over 150. Yikes! I left 18 in, including the sample above. A number of times in the story, it was used in dialogue and repeated to others so those had to stay in. In this example, it could have been changed to 'observed' or 'came upon', or so many other options, of course. I left it in because it was only used twice in that chapter and it wasn't used at all in the chapter that followed.

Choices and decisions. Who would have thought you have to take this kind of care when writing and editing a book? I certainly didn't when I first started writing. But I have learned so much about ways to make a story stronger.

I find now that when I'm reading a book, I notice when certain words are used too much and are thus too noticeable. I'm never critical of other writers because I know how difficult it is, but it's interesting how much more aware I am of things.

There are many other things to review and possibly change when editing. I may get into them at a later date.

I hope you've found this interesting...post a comment and let me know what you think.

Happy reading everyone!